This is my story by K .
I met M through my ‘ex’ friend A.
He persuaded me to go round to his flat through A.
When I first saw him I knew he took drugs and didn’t like him straight away as he made me feel on edge. But he didn’t scare me at first. He put me down straight away and was only nice if he wanted something. He commented on my weight and appearance and my friends and hair style. He said that other people would think badly of me because of how I looked.
If he wanted money or ‘fags’ off my mum he would be nice to me. If I didn’t do it he would punch me and become violent.
At this time he still with A but I still had to go around to the flat. If I didn’t go around to his flat he would have come to my house and caused trouble so I felt it easier to go around to his flat to save all of that.
Whilst I was at the flat he used to get high on drugs and sometimes drink alcohol, mainly ‘weed and M CAT’. This made him proper paranoid and angry. It’s hard to explain but his eyes used to look evil and wild and turned by putting his hands around my throat and kept punching me in the face. I felt that I was going to die and thought that this was it. His mate told him to carry on doing it. I managed to kick him and got off me. I ran home and went to my room.
Whilst high on drugs once he knifed me and slashed my shoulder which has scarred me. He also forced me to have sex for the first time whilst high. He tried to break the implant in my arm whilst raping me as he said he said he wanted a baby. He tried this repeatedly so I had to keep going to the doctors to get it checked out every few weeks to make sure it was still there in the right place.
He kept trying to snap the implant in my arm and it hurt. He kept asking me to go and take it out but I made excuses.
By now I felt he had a hold over me and I felt that I couldn’t get away from him. I felt I couldn’t tell anyone as I thought no one would believe me.
A was in love with him and felt they were in a relationship and didn’t know that he was doing this to me. I know he was hitting her too and I saw him throw a sword at her but it missed.
He raped my ex best friend in front of me whilst high on drugs to get an extra ‘buzz’. She was crying and we both left after.
When this came out everyone turned against me as they said that I didn’t help her. They didn’t understand how it is.
When he raped me he used to strangle me for that extra ‘buzz’.
He tried to get me to take drugs and when I refused he used to be violent. I’d rather have died than taken drugs.
He raped me a lot of times, both ways. I cried every time he did this and tried to stop him but wasn’t strong enough as he was a grown man and I’m only 15.
He had total control by now and I couldn’t see any escape.
I didn’t care that he hurt me but I did care when he hurt my mum. He broke into our home and pushed her and stole all her jewellery which was very sentimental to us as it was my Grandmas wedding ring which was going to be mine when I got married.
He kept ringing on my mobile and emotionally blackmailing me by saying if I didn’t go to his flat he would kill himself.
I had him on loud speaker and my mum heard and this is when it all came out. I went to the police station but even then my mum only thought it was for him harassing me.
I gave a statement but had to be alone, mum couldn’t be there. I told them everything which was really hard. I also had to make a video statement as it was going to be showed in court.
The police took my statement and that was it I went home. I found out the next day he had been arrested and that A was there when this happened. This made it better because he was with another 15 year old.
He was kept in jail until the court case.
I went to school the next day and mum came in with me to tell them what had happened.
When I got home from school I got really upset as I had been bullied by the other girls but just told mum I didn’t want to go back to school.
I couldn’t return to school because everyone blamed me and ‘slagged’ me off. They beat me up a few times and stamped on my face, spat on me. This was all down to A telling everyone that I had a relationship with him and didn’t know what was happening. A blamed me too.
School didn’t support me and said what do I expect with I have said, do I really think people believe me.
Mum said that I had to go to school the next day so I took an overdose of every pill in the house. I took these with the intention of actually killing myself.
I was hooked up to a drip for a week in hospital.
I felt no one believed me. School said it was my mums fault which really upset me. They said that I should have done something myself to help the girls who were being raped even though I was being raped myself by him and under his control.
School kept sending mum letters asking why she didn’t question me as I had bruises etc. This made me really mad.
I kept all the abuse a secret from mum as I didn’t want to worry her. I just kept it to myself.
After I took the overdose I felt people started to believe me. He had abused me for 6-7 months and finally someone believed me.
I had support from different people and this made me feel a bit better. I got a social worker and she listened to my story.
Women’s Aid then got involved and I got a worker to help me through it all. I also see CAHMS.
The build up to the court case was nerve wracking as I found it really scary as I would have to see him but he wouldn’t see me but could hear me.
He pleaded guilty at the last minute and this made me happy at first as I didn’t have to go to court.
He got 6 years for it.
After though I felt angry because I hadn’t had my say in court. I feel that no one knows what he really did to me, only briefly. I feel really angry that it happened to me.
I felt angry that I didn’t listen to myself as I didn’t really want to go with A in the first place to his flat. I felt that I had to go because I felt that she didn’t have anymore mates.
How I feel now….
I feel that I want to put it all behind me and move forward in my life. I have applied for a voluntary job, going to take my exams and try and start socialising again.
I am not going to let him win and ruin my life any longer…..
My first days in refuge were dramatic. If it weren’t for Diane my key worker then I wouldn’t have survived.
My second day I met a very nice friend and we had fun, and then he went away.
I came to refuge with my mum because I couldn’t stand my stepdad anymore.
When I came in to refuge I was worried what was going to happen to me and my mum.
The memories that I left behind were good and bad, the bad memories were about my dad and the good memories were being with my mates.
The help I got with school was the organization of a taxi, because without the taxi I would not have been able to finish my GCSEs.
I have made friends of all ages thanks to the refuge.
I would like to say thanks to Diane, Merryn, Jennifer and Sarah.
I have enjoyed my time at DCAS Donut Creative Arts Studio.
I also won the Derbyshire Arts Award by doing paint a canvas day competition. My canvas is on display in the Buxton Art Gallery .
I think that my experiences have made me look at stuff in a different way.
I’m looking forward to going to college to learn to act.
I think that now I and my mum have got away from my step-dad my future looks bright.
Thanks for reading this,
Cheers for everything.
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